It is hard and uncomfortable work. I have spent most of my 40 years avoiding that type of self-reflection and introspection because I was vaguely aware or, at the very least, afraid that I wouldnt like what I would find, that I was inadequate, or incompetent. Silences used to bother me and I would fill them at all costs with noise, music, conversation, or even thoughts. I wonder how true that is for a lot of people, more common than you would think is my thought.
This! This! This!
It is the same for 98% of people! I promise you.
People may have things that stop them from facing it - such as a functional marriage, or good children or a decent career... but it is always there. From being a child our greatest fear is being alone. As an adult we have 30 years of coping mechanisms that cloud us. Once they fall away i.e. marriage - we feel lost and desperate. But its a false image - we are enough. Just takes a few years to trust yourself again - but as you say its painfully hard because its not the reality we are used to. But make no mistake it is reality.
I will send you those books in a hour or so when i get home.
The way you are speaking now in the last post fills me with confidence. That's exactly where you need to be.
