I have so much advice but Im not sure how o parse it out in an efficient way that will help you right now. Kind of like aiming a fire hose through a needle, ya know?
But step 1 has got to be figuring out how to get your sense of self-respect back. Your wife has had three affairs of various degrees, and all you are doing is 'letting it go'? I dont really understand that. You are still trying to play pretend marriage while your W goes out and does whatever it is she wants without any consequence? Im not saying that you should go up and start throwing this in her face. What I am saying is that you need to follow the rules not just to try to 'win' her back, but to have the space to find out what is important to you in a partner. I want you to really read the DR book and work to set goals for how you envision your future...make sure you know what you want and set a plan to get there.
Im also concerned because youve been living with some amount of mistrust for years and years on both sides of the fence - how can you maintain a stable relationship with all of that going on? Its interesting to me that you had a child with another woman but because that was 13 years ago, its glossed over. Meanwhile, you write several pages of info on your wife's activities. Do you think she is healed from what happened 13 years ago?
