Because she is lying to you and herself to appease her guilt.
I just told another poster this same thing: these talks are counter-productive. You shouldn't let her suck you into them. You have NO chance of getting the truth out of her. You have NO chance of getting admissions of guilt from her. You can't believe anything she says. So what value do these conversations have? None. They are valueless. Cheeseless tunnels.
Oh sure, your attachment gets appeased for a while as you get "her attention". But that just proves that you have a lot of work to do to truly detach.
Next time she asks to talk you should say "unless it is about S4 then I am not interested in discussing anything with you". She knows you don't want D, so telling her that has no value. She knows you know the history of R, as does she, so discussing that has no value. When and if she wants to R she will not wait to tell you, she will just come out and say "I am sorry, I made a mistake, and I want to R!"
Quote:
and I saw it as an opportunity to check in with W and where she's at with her own processing of our relationship. I'd say it's improved marginally, but she's still set on divorce.
No there is no improvement. What you say was a WAW, that has moved out, trying to get out of you what she wants? What does she want you ask? You gave yourself the answer:
Quote:
he wanted to tell me that if I removed her from our car insurance and closed our joint accounts, it would "reflect poorly on me in court".
She wants insurance and she wants access to your money. Period. This is why WAWs stay in limbo for as long as possible without filing for D. As long as they have access to the benefits of the MR, why would they change anything.
So let's take score:
- She is living on her own and now can do anything she wants to do. (Remember, Ws don't need to move out for any other reasons than to sleep with someone else or someones else.)
- She has car insurance until you remove her.
- She has access to your money until you remove her from the joint account.
- She apparently can come and go as she chooses (and you are ok with that as shown by being hurt by her leaving her keys). Take her garage door opener away. She needs to see what it means to "move out".
- She has you on the hook to discuss anything she wants with you anytime she wants.
She is eating so much cake it isn't funny.
Time to remove her cake.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
