For me personally I always had low self esteem. A lack of self worth. I didnt know this at the time, but my behaviours and the way I would act would always be seeking validation outside of myself.

When I lost the main person who gave me the validation i.e. the Wife, my whole world fell down not only because she validated me on a personal level, but also how it looked to the outside world as well.

For example, If I meet an old school friend and he has a nice house, pretty wife - there will be part of me that thinks - He must be an ok guy.. Otherwise how would he had been able to achieve the things he has.

So when I lost mine, it was a double whammy because not only did my wife not want to be with me anymore, but it validated all of the things that my parents made me feel for so long i.e. that I was not good enough.

As humans, we are all the same. The only thing that is different from me to you, is our experiences in life and how we interpret them. Rather than seeing an event in life a singular thing, that comes and goes, and thats it - many of us put that in our mental suitcase and carry it around with us for the rest of our lives. The problem with that is - if your self esteem is quite low - you can get into a subconscious routine of always doing certain things to validate how you feel - and you get stuck in a non productive cycle - enough though it might feel totally natural or normal for you to do so.

The key for me personally was to understand that despite how I interpreted the world - the world didnt give a f**k about my sob stories. Time was moving on regardless. Everyday that went by focusing on what I didnt have, and why my wife had left etc.. Was another day wasted that I could not get back.

So I started to read the Happiness Advantage by Shawn Anchor - which identifies that living life through a positive mindset allows your brain to perform at a higher level. So rather than working hard to complete a job to get that happy feeling at the end.. You reverse the process so you would be happy at the beginning which would allow you to do a better job in the first place.

Any progress will come from a place of gratitude. If you are thinking about how sh*t your life is and thinking about why me? - then you are trying to ski uphill.

If you write on a piece of paper all the things you are grateful for i.e your health, your passion for football, your ability to draw/design, the love you have with your dog - i.e. things that you are truly grateful for and read then each morning before you get up (and truly feel the gratitude) it puts you in such a different mind set to approach the day its unreal.

A lot of people on here who are hurt from their wives leaving - a lot of time has nothing to do with how great the relationship is, its more to do with dealing with the feeling of rejection and inadequacy. So they struggle to try and get that relationship back to fill that hole - rather than get it back because that person was right for them.

Its easy when you have been hurt to try and get a quick fix/response to counteract that pain - but if you are able to just exist not go searching to avoid the pain, 6 months in, and you start to become more accustomed to yourself, your mind, your emotions, what you like, and what you dont like. You start to have a relationship with yourself. I promise you (this isnt hippy nonsense) but that feeling is worth more than any relationship you will ever experience.

Then you will NOT need to come to a board for advise - you will be so confident in your ability to manage yourself that the answer will flow into you naturally and you can take on the world with confidence while being true to yourself - and you will find new people will find that attractive without you even trying - you get more for trying less. The more yourself you truly are - the more you attract. The more you try to be happy or do the things that people suggest to be happy - there more you get lost.