Oh well, you had said as much before so no surprise.
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But I thought, for the sake of the kids, I would just make 100% certain so I asked her if she was sure - if so, that's fine, but I wanted to check. To my astonishment, she crumpled into a heap.. Tears, self-pity, guilt, the lot.
Guilt is exactly right. WAS's feel a lot of guilt, but not remorse. Remorse can pave the way to recon, but not guilt because she can feel guilt while still feeling JUSTIFIED if that makes sense.
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We had a long chat in 'our' bedroom', and it turns out, despite seemingly being on a mission since we decided D was what we were doing, she is still completely torn.
This is quite normal. What is unusual if for her to express it. That's actually a good sign, she's opening up to you a little.
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I listened, validated, questioned. No tears from me. No emotion.
Great, well done!
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She suggested it was her who needed to do the work on how she felt about me, and I had to point out that actually there were a fair amount of issues I had to deal with as well
Next time don't try to lighten her load. She needs to feel and understand her faults in this. Just listen and validate.
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My view - my W is cross with herself for not being able to pull the trigger at the weekend. She feels no differently really, just finding it hard to be the one driving this destruction.
Well I think she is being genuine about being confused and in turmoil. I am always advising people here that this is how WAS's feel inside even though they may look like the ice queen on the outside. She feels like she doesn't love you but at the same time she isn't sure that leaving the M is REALLY what she wants.
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I think that's probably best too and have no hope or expectation that this will have a different outcome. The more I think about it, the more I feel that trying to work on things when she is so far gone (and I am so emotionally scarred by what she has done to me) will just be delaying the inevitable and we'll be back in the same situation in 12 months time, or probably much sooner.
Yes. I think if your W hits rock bottom and truly starts feeling remorse then maybe that will change, but it doesn't sound like she's there yet.
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What are your views on this?
Would you suggest I simply pull the trigger myself? This yes no game is torture.
Or do I be patient, let her stew in her own mess a while, and see if she comes out of the fog long enough to want to work on us?
Given her apparent change of heart I would at least give it a few weeks. I don't think she'll be coming out of the fog that soon but you never know.
