Another thing is the cumulative effect of several 2s. Your W voices a complaint and you both read it properly as a 2. So you don't take action. Time goes by and she tries another complaint on another 2. 4 2s in, you now haven't taken action on 4 2s, which with compounding interest add up to a 9! Danger!
I can look back at my sitch and realize how several 1s and 2s added up to huge problems. Could she have been more assertive about her feelings? Of course. But then I could have been more assertive about addressing even things I felt were small.
This goes along with your statement: "The point is, the issues that lead to the downfall of a relationship often aren't as easy as "you should have told me". That's a surface issue and a red herring."
And it is also probably not true either. We all say it, but once we are in comfort land most of us can't be bothered with complaints. We have an attitude of "if you loved me you wouldn't be complaining". The wake up call is sometimes the realization that maybe they don't love us.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
