Had a good weekend with S. We went to the donut shop for breakfast this morning, and then I took him to the day care this morning so W could pick him up. There are toys EVERYWHERE at my apartment. Heh.
I really wish that he could be here every night like he was when W and I were together. I miss having them both here.
I'm still waiting to hear back from the legal aid office to find out if they have an A referral for me.
Only two things bothered me this weekend: 1) he didn't have quite enough clothes in his overnight bag, but we were able to manage. 2) S was asking if I could go to his friend's house (his friends parents are the two that have been pushing W to leave me for a couple of years). I told him that I couldn't. He wanted to know why, so I had to figure out how to tell him that I wasn't allowed to go over there anymore. Unfortunately, I had to try to explain that if I go there, they would call the police. He didn't seem to understand, he said "but you're not a bad guy...".
I had to change the subject. I may have told him too much, but I also don't want to lie to him about why I can't go there anymore. That's a tricky conversation to have with an almost 4 year old.
I didn't talk bad about W or her friends, only that they (W's friends) say that I'm a bad guy. He knows that I'm not.
I need to research things like how to have hard conversations with a child. I tried to keep it simple, and I tried to not have to go into any details with him.
I hope that doesn't have any really negative effects. Although I know that this whole D sitch will have some either way.
He told me that he loved me, and I said "I love you, too." He then said "And I love mommy!" so I said "I love mommy, too."
And that's true. I guess I still do in a way. I don't want him to think any differently. He says that he misses living with both of us. I do, too. I wish things were different.
As for W, I believe that I'm about as detached as I can be right now. I don't care what she's up to at all, and I don't plan to try to find out. It's not my problem.
Right now, I have some major financial issues to deal with since she left and I lost my job. I'm afraid that I won't be able to find suitable paying work in this area, but I can't afford to relocate (and I honestly don't want to because of S). In the past few months, my credit has completely tanked, and I'm starting to get to where the money from my severance is getting tighter. My first priority this week is find some kind of income. Even if it's not ideal...because realistically I will need to make over 20/hr to cover the bills that were left behind.
If I get an A referral this week, I'm going to work on getting some set orders in place for visitation (because it seems that to W the verbal agreements aren't going to be honored unless she gets everything she wants).
I'm a little stressed out, to say the least. But I am still confident that I can make something work out with the job search. Kind of.
