A familiar story with questions. VI

[RR17]

As this week starts, I am reflecting back on this weekend.
For weeks now I have maintained a healthy detachment and the results are as expected. Good. Maintain a centered and confident self has reminded me of who I was before M.

But it has come to my attention that this shift in attitude is not 100% solidified. Meaning that it is still possible to slip back into past thought patterns. I'll assume that this will get better with time and the fact that I recognize it, is another step in the right direction.

What makes it all the more difficult is the time I spend with W.

I sometimes fantasize about a life living alone. My kids visiting and lower stress. Becoming this eligible bachelor and after taking a break even pursuing other women. It doesn't seem all that bad. I guess this is a healthy part of detachment. Although I do, I struggle to imagine dating W.

I don't know that I have read about others expressing these feeling. If so I would like to hear.
I also welcome any thought on this.

As I live in Limbo. I have been reading and watching videos about masculine and feminine dynamics. I find it helpful in understanding what traits I have embraced in my M that ultimately make us men unattractive to our Ss. I won't go so far as to say I had NGS but I believe that we morph into something that hardly resembles our pre-MR self and doesn't look anything like what the W was attracted to in the first place. Nor does it feel as comfortable to me.

As CS&N once sang:
It's been a long time comin'
It's goin' to be a long time gone

As I live in this state of limbo I occasionally think that it is my turn to take action. Force a reaction. It sounds like control, right?

I slip in my detached autonomy because she is still around. Still around only now extending the respect and consideration that she withheld for so many years. The only thing missing is the affection and intimacy.

I wonder if I should pull further back?