Kels, welcome to the board. You will get the advice and support you are looking for here.
Your sitch has many similarities to mine. The good news is that my W and I have been in R since March. Amazingly the woman I married comes back a little more with each passing day.
I tell you that to tell you that there is hope. However, you cannot count on R. You have to prepare yourself for the worst. My advice to newbies is usually the same:
Let her go to get her back. I didn't see any desire in my W to R until I let her go. This is the most important thing you can do is to REALLY let her go. This means no snooping. No questioning. You can't even care what she does. You can only control you, she is going to do what she wants. And what she wants is to be happy.
180! It sounds like you are doing this. You have to change the behaviors that got you here. That doesn't mean you become her slave but that you just take stock of your contributions to your current MR problems, and fix those behaviors.
GAL! This one is probably the most important. Because how well you do this will determine how well you detach. Those that struggle the most at detachment are those that do not concentrate enough on GAL. Get out there. Meet people, make new friends. Do not give up your droning. Reconnect with old buddies. Do guy things! You should stay busy. This even includes at home. When you are home be busy, stay engaged with the kids. Make them your #1 priority.
None of us knows the future Kels, but one thing I can say. If you try to pursue or pressure her, you have a 99.5% chance of ending up D'd. If you detach (let her go), 180, and GAL, there is a 50/50 chance. No guarantees, but DBing gives you the best chance of saving your M.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
