Gordie #20: patiently living my life

[Gordie]

Just want th support what ciluzen wrote to faceman

The importance of letting the MLC spouse speak and feel heard

What C wrote has worked for me

W throughout her crisis has been a talker including blaming me for the breakdown of the marriage and criticizing my parenting and rewriting our history and that the world is flat etc

And the mistake I made at the beginning and maybe the big mistake of my old marriage was not being a good listener

Not being a good listener included arguing and apologizing and defending and interjecting and offering advice and suggestions

I learned over time that silence is my friend

I just need to sit and listen

My boundary was not listening to anything about OMs

But yes what ciluzen said was true for me in that she really does want to be heard and feel that yes she can feel safe saying anything without me reacting

Sometimes this is for two minutes and at other times an hour or more