I have done my best to this point to let W go and detach. At this point I think I feel more pity than anything for my W. I am sad that she is not herself- that she is not happy. I am aware that she has chosen this path and that she must venture on this journey alone. mtb - thank you for your support-If you were to ask me that this is who my W is- I would never think my W would turn into this type of person. I'm not a betting man but I would have bet my life savings that I married a kind compassionate and caring woman. This person that she is now- I do not know and it is very unattractive.
What we see in the WAS is unrest from within, it is confusion and instability that probably manifests itself in some form of feeling extremely low. Arshi- Thank you for your kind words- With W feeling so low - I feel as if I want to fix her. We did not a have a perfect M. On the other hand my feeling is that what we had was very repairable because of no beating no cheating or abuse. At this point I hope that W becomes well for her R with S. I am loosing my attraction to her. i know this may all change but that is my feeling now.
She is herself. She just isn't who you or S want her to be
V -as always your words of wisdom hit home. Plentiful thanks!I now fee like she is someone, that on the outside resembles an old beat up version of my W. On the inside I'm not sure who this person is? what are her motives -her actions and thoughts?( i know mind reading) I would never expect that from my W. Anyways she is on this journey to walk and figure out alone until she finds what she needs. I will let her go!
Helena- you have given me some valuable motherly input -thanks! Does W come to sons baseball games? Just curious. while W was still living at home-S had asked W to not be present at his band concerts and baseball games. W responded that she will respect his wishes and not go. I was there to support S but did not say anything. For now I'm getting out of the way. For me I would still go to his games even I I had to watch from a distance just to stay connected.
For all of your insightful information, for all your support and kindness. I am truly thankful. Blessings!
M51 w50 T-20Yrs M-16Yrs S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up 1 Awesum dog BD 10/31/17 separate rooms 02/08/18 wife moved out 05/17/18
LoneWlf, I admire your acceptance of your situation and your appreciation for those who comment on your thread. It's hard to imagine how your wife could leave someone like yourself who has such a strong and healthy outlook and faith. I really hope she'll work to fix her relationship with you and your son.
LoneWlf, I admire your acceptance of your situation and your appreciation for those who comment on your thread. It's hard to imagine how your wife could leave someone like yourself who has such a strong and healthy outlook and faith. I really hope she'll work to fix her relationship with you and your son.
Agree 100% great post.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
LoneWlf, I admire your acceptance of your situation and your appreciation for those who comment on your thread. It's hard to imagine how your wife could leave someone like yourself who has such a strong and healthy outlook and faith. I really hope she'll work to fix her relationship with you and your son. Nicole- Thank you for taking interest and your kind words. Speaking from within - I cannot say that I am fully detached -I have a long journey ahead. I don't know if I agree that I have fully accepted my sitch - what I have done is to understand that I cannot control W. My focus and efforts are squarely on me and S. I have many days where I still reminisce the wonderful times and often long for the closeness and affection. That is the days I rely on my faith. That is when I simply look up - and talk and pray and KNOW that thru God ALL things are possible. In regards to my outlook - I come here and sometimes feel challenged- wondering often if I am doing the right thing. This place gives a place to unload and to analyze any comment or feedback given. It gives gives me comfort to know that their are people who are undergoing the same sitch (some far worse than mine) yet these individuals still come and RISE and exceed all expectations. My hope is for one day that my family will be restored in a more solidified version 2.0. That with the proper maintenance and care will survive the test of time. As I wish for all marriages. Our focus now is to redefine who we are so that we are able to reach or exceed our full potential. Blessings on your journey!
M51 w50 T-20Yrs M-16Yrs S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up 1 Awesum dog BD 10/31/17 separate rooms 02/08/18 wife moved out 05/17/18
Still doing my morning routine and going to the gym when one of the guys approached me saying that I look like I am very dedicated to health and he proceed and ask me how I train. I used to train alot back in the day as a matter of fact the last time I set foot in a gym before joining this gym was on my wedding day. Anyways this guy says what makes you keep coming back almost everyday. After I thought about it - I said -coming to the gym is my gift to me everyday-It allows me to continue to get better everyday. Having this thought in my head linger and also thinking how W has been the heaviest she has been- It made me realize that I too was very overweight(270 lbs) and unhealthy in my relationship and this probably made me unattractive to W. The tables have turned now with me being more health . Although I receive compliments I must not get complacent and make this a permanent shift for a life time.
On another note I got a email back from a company that I interviewed for saying -we have chosen another candidate. I also had a phone interview which is to be followed up by an online behavioral survey. One other interview for a small company which I think was pretty good. somethings gotta give soon.
S has stepped up his game and is being more proactive in the home. One of the positives that have come out of this sitch is that we have definitely become closer. Yesterday he helped with making dinner again. Before I could not sit with him to do his homework for 10 minutes without a confrontation. Now we work more like a team.
M51 w50 T-20Yrs M-16Yrs S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up 1 Awesum dog BD 10/31/17 separate rooms 02/08/18 wife moved out 05/17/18
LW, awesome on your R with your S! I so wish I had that kind of R with my D. She still is very cold and distant towards me. She did not handle my 180s after BD well. I think she had become comfortable with the way things were. I was isolated, uninterested, and unengaged. My presence, interest and engagement has been a shock to her system. I am hoping over time she will start to embrace it more.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
