Patience & DB / Detach or Divorce

[Did]

WE have both dated others. I had a rebound thing and have had 2 short lived relationships but havent dated in 4 months or so. As I saw I was not ready and not over her. Telling W I would choose her over anyone while dating... idiotic.

She had an A where it got as serious as humanly possible. At first she said she was friends with this guy - her ex from HS was helping him with business etc. I knew as soon as she was talking to him she would sleep with him. She lied... I saw her phone after 2-3 months of separation, naked pics, sexting really graphic stuff. I thought she was trying to get pregnant it was insane and we had our only physical altercation as she attacked me to get my phone and in the process hurt herself as I blocked her attacks etc... D3 watched. This was 10 months ago or so. I was devastated had serious anxiety not sleeping got on sleeping meds, lot of therapy etc. She told me to get on dating sites... FML

Then she broke it off and came back to me in a terrible state. I made the HUGE mistake of letting her back in. Wish I had been on the DB path then...

Then she dated someone else and was into him. Hes unavailable has 10 year old who is his priorty is never free etc they are friends she says and havent hooked up in 6 months or something. But they got dinner for her birthday and still talk. That is OM I mention currently... he is about 8 years older and went through a D a while back. He looks somewhat like me and has dated other married women in the past. Hes a cop.. sounds like a doucheb*g to me. Affair down, right?

So we have both had partners. I really am torn on what I want except I know I want my family and daughter. That is the hardest part because those arent the same as my marriage... I want my W if she is the woman I love and married able to be a partner equal able to grow with me etc. But shes not even close- wants to watch a movie because she gets anxiety when things are serious. IT makes me feel fed up and just think yea I screwed up and was a jerk at times but you suck at this point... she wont do the work to get there... see a therapist or do anything except read, alone time, heal on her own etc.

Strapped for time with work, sorry for typos. Thanks for caring... at least someone does ha.