I want to second what Gerda wrote. I can tell you my wife IS fractured. This is not a judgment nor a put down of her. It is psychological observation, she is in great pain, searching, split between two different states of existence. She will cycle between them and sometimes they both coexist in a strange way. In one she is the person I have always known, normal conflicts and caring, two adults who have shared a life. The other is one of a person in pain, and I have seen her in what I would say is anywhere from an eight-year-old to a 16-year-old so far.
So to try to approach her as if this is a normal relationship issue is a fatal mistake. Took me a long time to fully understand MLC, and even many discussions with my sister who is a therapist before even she could start wrapping her head around it, and she has known my wife for the entire relationship.
So beware normal rules do not apply. Detach, accept this crises is long and requires you to NOTbe involved. Not in helping, not in fighting, not in guiding. Only thing is protect yourself, do not be mean, do not attack, always be kind, validate whatever she says she feels without agreeing or disagreeing, and leave her alone.
