Herbie, sounds like you and your wife have both had difficult life circumstances. Losing your first wife and having cancer are major challenges for you and your wife's family troubles while growing up sound hard to overcome for her. All these things can make it hard to live a carefree happy married life. Your wife probably doesn't have the tools and resources she needs to learn how to deal with problems in healthy ways so she turned to drinking and probably blames you for everything because you're the one standing in front of her. I live in the USA so I don't know how long a divorce takes in the UK. If it takes a while then you can hope by practicing DB guidelines and giving your wife time to receive treatment for her conditions that she'll change her mind about getting a divorce. Even if it's fast then you can still try. I really don't know if the DB rules should be changed when someone is mentally ill. I've been visiting this forum for six or seven months and in many cases people here don't seem to be sure if their spouse is mentally ill, having an affair, or just fell out of love but the DB guidelines seem to be applicable to most circumstances. Perhaps if her brother is next of kin on her paperwork then at least you know she has someone looking after her. Plus in the hospital she's being treated by professionals, so you can somewhat let go of her and care for yourself and your kids. I'm sure that's easier said than done being a single dad to four kids while processing this devastating news. We can only hope if you can hold down the fort and give your wife time to recover then she'll change her mind. I hope you'll hear from others here and keep us posted on what's happening!
