Dating in Your 60's

[AndrewP]

kml - One thing that surprised me in hindsight about my ex - and one or two other people I've met - was that these seemingly out-going and friendly people have a very limited social circle.

If we wanted to toss around words like "cluster-B" we could suggest that my ex had difficulty forming close bonds with people. She certainly was not open at all about herself, her past and her feelings to anyone, including me. She did tend to attract clingy people and was herself a clingy, demanding person who needed constant validation. It used to bother me that she would attract and be happy with attracting people who were certainly on the needy end of the scale.

When we first met, she was very clingy to me demanding (and receiving) all of my time and attention. Despite her varied acquaintances and experiences she had one single solitary close friend. Oddly, she is an extrovert while I'm an introvert. At that same time I had perhaps 5 or 6 very close friends many of whom she isolated me from.

On the surface, my ex is a charming, outgoing person with a bubbly personality. The reality - well - I don't really know. And this is a woman that I spent more than half of my life with and who I was devoted to.

What I have found with encountering these sort of people is that they tend to have blank areas in their past that they absolutely refuse to discuss. Perhaps times and places where they behaved badly. For my ex, it was around the first boyfriend she moved in with as a teen and her time working on the stock exchange where I am confident that she made a number of unwise choices.

I know that for people where I've encountered these blank spots that they just close their mouth. Not say that they don't want to talk about it, or that it's none of my business. They just stop talking or loudly and aggressively change the subject.

So - yes - red flag perhaps. Are there areas of his past that are a blank spot?