I'm not sure if it's quite to that level, but he really does have a point.
I know it's hard but you really need to start backing off from her. You are very much enabling her to be this way, and in turn hurting yourself. She throws that anxiety issue up quite a bit and you eat it up. A little Added note - we all have anxiety on here! Lol. Why do you think we are here?
I hate to say this - but the put the daughter to bed thing, you really should have taken my advice, "dang, I wish I could but I got to get going".
Instead you stayed there for a while, walked the dog, and hung out in her room for a few minutes hoping that she would invite you to stay.
I get it. I totally do. I wish mine would be as open as your. And he was like 6 weeks ago. But I'm not playing friends with him. This isn't he gets to walk away and still have a go to when he's bored across town. And neither should that be for you.
You need to start backing off because 3 months will be here soon and you will have to deal with the not paying for her apartment like the agreement. And I hate to say it, but it's almost like she's clinging to you a lil bc the move is still new. When she finds friends she will start distancing herself and you will be wondering why.
Friends and therapist say move on cant believe I want to be with her still... She is not dating guys on tinder. She has had our daughter almost every night. This is because of my work scheduled and she could very well start dating once my busy season ends next week.
IF anyone is talking to other people its more likely me. I may go on a date next weekend. I truly believe that W wants to be together but feels like she cant do it or doesnt know how to make it happen. I kind of doubt she is willing / able to do the work to make it happen. I think she needs IC but she wont do it and I cant / wont tell her to. Our daughter is telling her Im the best dad, she said I want to sleep at dads tonight I want to go to dads when we facetimed. She says she wants to watch a movie, plays anxiety card about anything more serious, but says she wants to go on a date.
Honestly I dont know Im not sure if I want her back. IF I do want her it is the healthy version the woman who is strong, independent, consistent, not this fragile broken version who cant deal with being around me and cries all the time when things get hard. Part of me feels like I caused her to be broken. But I cant fix her I tried my best months ago.
Fun GAL activities tonight with live music at a neighborhood party of some work associates. Thanks all for the opinions and support.
H: 33 W:32 M: 5 T: 8 D: 4 BD: 6/2017 MO: 6/2017 House sold: 6/28/18 W wants to build friendship / relationship- 9/18 Paying $ support since 7/18. Physical Reconnect- 10/18 W Starts- IC / MC - 10/18
W texts me this morning about daughters night waking up a few times. Pictures of chocolate chip pancakes umm yumm... says I can come over for breakfast anytime (old me would of pushed and said how about dinner... because then we could spend time together at night after D3 goes to sleep). I said maybe next week one morning before camp- her place is in that area and on the way to camp. Thinking Tuesday.
She sends pics of 4 leaf clover in her hand which she finds all the time. Says she wants coffee- I took the coffee maker when we split everything. She acts like she doesnt want to spend any money which I guess is good but she does have 45k from house sale, plus $1000/mo and rent/ health insurance/ life insurance/ daughters school paid by me. Trying to not be emotional about the money which is a big 180 for me. I have enough for me luckily I can afford this for a little while. Seeing progress with her makes it a lot easier.
If we do start spending time together or dating I feel like I am going to need to say something like Im cool with dating and spending some time together to see how it goes. But I dont think we can be together until were both completely healthy and healed. I dont want a relationship like we had where we lean on each other until one of us starts to fall over and everything crumbles. It would mean a lot to me and show me you are really committed to working on yourself if you saw an IC. I see one for me... wording may need to be adjusted. But the anxiety she has around me is a dealbreaker for intimacy and I am a very sexual / intimate person... open to suggestions on this convo but it is probably weeks down the road.
There is a child watch night 7/21 at our local YMCA. If we hang once or twice the next week or so I will probably ask if she is free that night and go out to dinner.
Still really torn if there is something better out there for me- a woman independent healthy, successful, W is very attractive and smart / deep but so are others. She is so fragile and sensitive, she is a homebody and I am not. But family means everything to me and I do love being around her and D3 when everything is smooth. Such a big life decision I guess I need to wait until we spend more time together and both continue to heal from a traumatic last year... thanks all for the support!
H: 33 W:32 M: 5 T: 8 D: 4 BD: 6/2017 MO: 6/2017 House sold: 6/28/18 W wants to build friendship / relationship- 9/18 Paying $ support since 7/18. Physical Reconnect- 10/18 W Starts- IC / MC - 10/18
Reading previous posts from Loves / Sandi / LH19. I am not always available. I have been extremely busy with work coaching kids which I love. She has D3 a lot. When my work clears up in a week I have plans to take D3 to the beach just the 2 of us. Considering offering W to come for 1 day... thoughts on that?
She is not seeing anyone currently. Although she does text with OM... that being said I talk to other woman at this point. If we start dating / spending time together I will have the conversation - do you want to stop talking to other people. Trust is one of the most important things to me and or anxieties around each other... not having to lock / hide phones around each other etc.
Thanks all, enjoy the day.
H: 33 W:32 M: 5 T: 8 D: 4 BD: 6/2017 MO: 6/2017 House sold: 6/28/18 W wants to build friendship / relationship- 9/18 Paying $ support since 7/18. Physical Reconnect- 10/18 W Starts- IC / MC - 10/18
I have to think about how I want to comment. It seems as though you are talking to other women, and your vibe in your post have changed slightly. I'll be back soon. I have found myself intrigued with your situation.
I think when we say always available, we mean to her. You might not physically be available due to work as you have just stated, but you do seem to be just a text away from her. Also, we can only go off what you have stated. I personally think that she knows that you will come to her whenever she ask because you say that. I have not read at all you telling her that you can't come or such, and I totally get it. I bend almost everytime also.
What I do think is going to happen, I almost posted this the other day. I do think you will tire of this. After all, you want a wife/partner to be with. Not a "friend" you hang out with across town that text sweet nothing at night bc she is lonely. When we are suggesting the pulling back, or at least me, I'm saying it to help you. To get this woman to see what she will be missing. As of now, you are a constant in her life.
