Patience & DB / Detach or Divorce

[ovrrnbw]

The maybe response is probably the best idea. Of course it's off the table now.

The LRT section says to not be too responsive and to not accept all invitations.

This is positive though.

[Did]

Doubt it happens tonight she is talking about how tired she is. It is a process because our daughter takes a while to get to bed so I would have to hang at her place to wait for her to sleep.

W asks if we will get her food. If this were a normal situation I would say why dont you just come to dinner. I am about to walk into appointment but I will probably say yes to getting her food... kind of annoying.

[Did]

I got here chipotle yesterday since I was getting it for my daughter and she was coming to pick her up. Money is not really a concern so I guess just get her the food. Even though I would like to hang and have a glass of wine...

[Loves77]

I reread her "invitation". It's rather back handed. Like toying with you in a way. Like saying "I was thinking of this, but no"

Here's my suggestion.

Take daughter to dinner, grab her some food. Drop daughter off stay about 10-15 min. THEN LEAVE.

Turn this table on her. She basically told you no before you even answered. She knew you would say yes.

DO NOT let her continue to treat you like that.

I know you want to stay, but that was a mind game. Walk out with a smile and watch how quick she wonders what is up.

Just try it this one night. I'd bet the next time she will actually ask if you want to.

[Did]

Will do

[Loves77]

Am I a dork bc I can't wait to hear how it goes? Haha.

Try not to think too much about it if she doesn't react/respond much.

[Parkema]

Hi Did,

How do I put this? I suppose over time everything decays like an apple left in the sun eventually it goes rotten, if we want to keep the apple from going off a little longer we put it in a fridge.

This is an action that stops the decaying effects. A R is the same, over time we lose sight of what's important and the R suffers, we need action and hard work to keep the R alive and fresh. Again as marriage progresses the R can turn stale and so it's the same for an A, there is no difference UNLESS someone learns to work on keeping the R in good order or even better BOTH working to keep it good.

Obviously WW or WH can't understand this or they wouldn't have gone out of their M to have an A SO the process or the decaying will still apply to the star crossed lovers.

We have an advantage in that being here gives us a plan or principles to follow to aid in helping us get to a better place in our lives that has nothing to do with the waywards.

We work on us learn how to stop the rot and move on without them, if they come back fine if not we've learnt valuable tools for our next R.

Re-read DR look at where you need to improve (we all need to improve) and GAL. Stop thinking about the A and use the headspace for having fun with D3 and new activities.

She gonna do what she's gonna do so step away and believe in the process.

Take care.

Mark

[Did]

So W asked if I wanted to get daughter to bed after dinner tonight.
I said sure I will miss her since I am working the next 6 days.
So I played with daughter for about an hour and got her to bed.
Then talked for a few minutes in w bedroom. Of course being a guy I am trying not to think about her legs and other things I would like to do in the bedroom. We shared a laugh or two. I was ready to leave and she had said earlier she was tired so we went downstairs.
She packed some things I could use for my place I walked our dog. Her place has some sketchy neighbors I feel bad she is living there but it is still $1325/mo pliable utilities. And it is her choice we hadnt a 4000 sq ft home in the suburbs.
We had a long hug I of course as a hopeless romantic want to lift her chin kiss her hard pick her up like I did 8 years ago when we started dating.
But she is so fragile she just kind of crumpled into my arms. We said we miss each other. She said once I am not working as much she wants to hang out and laugh and watch a movie together.
And that being seriously is what gives her anxiety. I feel like if things progress she is going to need to get help for her anxiety. I know it is probably a good step but it feels like nothing and frustrating. I plan on not reaching out except about our daughter.

[hongaku]

Patience and continue to DB!

[Did]