Well I had a convo with W by text today. Up front it was pursuit I'm sure, but since I'm destined for D anyway I accepted knowingly what I was doing. Now I didn't ask to meet, date (lol) or anything like that. W BD'd me pretty much like a bee stinging you more than once, truth is nothing she could say bothered me. Wasn't like I hadn't heard it all before. Ain't got no love, can't come back, been gone forever, yada, yada, yada. Funny part is how I found out my not shaving my beard close everyday apparently contributed to the ending of my marriage. I take it as a measure of my detachment progress how little her words impacted me.
W is fast tracking the D. She has a negative personality, no friends and is a quitter. She has run away from our M and will D me without so much as any real conversation as to why. She is unable to truly discuss that. I highly doubt with any man she will be able to do so. I love her BUT those are the realities of my sitch. I am alone but I am not lonely. It is tragic that from what I have learned of myself and relationships that she will not be able to benefit from them, BUT that is HER CHOICE. This entire dissolution of our M is HER choice. Some other lady (if I EVER decide to trust another woman) will be the beneficiary of my W's unwillingness. God's will I guess.
There is still time before she can file. She has now many words of how I feel about us that can marinate in her head OR as more likely, completely disregard/avoid/compartmentalize. I am going to be fine, need to sort out a place to live and put this MR to bed. It was NEVER my choice, sadly life is not fair I guess. My IC tells me that I have progressed a great deal since W left, whereas IC believes W is still deflecting/projecting and running away. I take some solace in that I guess.
Ring is off as is all other jewelry from W which I wore with such pride. They were the physical manifestations of the love, happiness and pride that I had for the forever W and MR that I thought I had finally found. Apparently the 3rd time is the charm.
My prayers to all of you who are suffering. As always to those who have provided comments/support to me in my sitch, I can't thank you enough.
