Can I really do this #4

[Dtrmned]

Thanks AS!
I believe it is a byproduct of the time factor. On BD day and shortly after, I was in shock and as you said very scared about the future and losing my foundation. I know now that I was way too dependent on my MR and looking to my W for affirmation and approval. Although I am good at what I do, successful, friendly and an overall decent human being, my confidence was shot straight to zero, even further if that is possible.

The full extreme concentration each second of every day on the MR, how to "fix" it and how to get it done quickly was my life. Finally found MWD and then this board. I have spoken about this at least once, but this board sometimes becomes an addiction as well as it provides some great advice, but still kept me focused on my MR constantly. This caused great work and life disruptions and great stresses on my overall health. DB'ing along with the 180's and GAL has helped tremendously. I've lost 25 lbs. I get in about 10 miles a day now and am now only allowing myself certain days on this site to make sure I am not over obsessing. Some days are better than others as you can look back and see. Some are chicken littles, others are very ordinary. If I feel the pressure, I check in. If I feel I need to vent, I check in. If I feel I just need to journal and/or update, I check in. I am focusing much more on myself even though this is so counter intuitive of my life. I've always put myself second to my family as most of us do as well. It feels weird but as you do it you realize how much of yourself you have lost over the years. It gives a great perspective to see what happened in the MR, the mistakes that I made, and somethings that just happened due to life that evolved and changed things. Getting back to who I am is so important and I love that about all of this. Thank you all for commenting and contributing and just the overall support. None of you know me personally yet you take the time out your lives to help other's in need. I read and follow a lot of other situations on here for insight and see that I'm not alone, I'm not "unique" in my situation, and love and MR is a choice. MR is a long term commitment. Lust, initial attraction, the "rush" and newness of a new R or an A is fleeting at best.

In a decent place today, at this moment. It could change at any time, but again, I can only control myself.

I hope all of you have a great weekend. That your live's are enriched by what you do and your relationships thrive!