I didn't mean for it to happen but it all kind of came out in a rush about how I was stressed over having to suddenly care for three pets, a child, the house, the yard, bills, looking for work, etc on my own now. But then I caught myself and said, "I'm sure you don't care so don't worry about it, I'm fine."
Well like we always say you can't "guilt" him back so you shouldn't say that kind of stuff. But sometimes you just have to get something off your chest, and I don't think it was hurting your sitch either so don't lose any sleep over it.
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I don't know why he even cares. He said he was unhappy and wanted out, yet he will ask how I am and then has the nerve to sound sad after I told him to not worry about me.
He does care, but he's internalizing it because he doesn't want you to know he cares. Most people see their WAS being cold and indifferent and think that they suddenly don't care, but that is their unfortunate way of trying to prepare you for their departure. They think if they are cold and even mean that it will make it easier on the LBS. Of course it just makes things worse on the LBS, but they're not thinking clearly and that's the result.
Originally Posted By: Jlh
I mentioned using the Divorce Busting method to my therapist and she just gave me a blank stare. I explained it a bit and got a look of disbelief. I mentioned how the book says that it takes time for the marriage to get better and I am trying to be patient while I distract and distance, etc. But at the same time I talk to her about my feelings to get them out.
She says that a few months is a long time to be in limbo and doesn't seem to agree with how it could take time for this to heal. I just don't know if I should find someone more "saving a marriage friendly" or listen to her "maybe it's time for a divorce" attitude.
I'm not ready to give in for a divorce, the bomb was dropped on me so fast that I'm still processing it. I'm just not sure if it's time for a therapist who is less divorce friendly.
Unfortunately most therapists fall under the category of "divorce facilitators". This is the whole reason Michele wrote DB in the first place, as someone who is intent on saving marriages she was very frustrated to find there were no resources for that while there were plenty of resources and therapists pushing D. So if you want to stand for your M and your therapist is not helping you with your goals, then by all means look for a new therapist.
