Advice for newcomer pre- bomb drop.

[Bern19]

Your gut has been talking to you, and it's on track. Do not get distracted by her sudden interest in sex. It may happen again........or several times (if you are willing). It does not mean she wants to work on the MR. It does not mean she has lost interest in OM. The OM is getting her all hot & bothered, and she's using your body as a means of sexual relief. Which guy do you think is in her head while having sex?

Sandi, just to clarify, catching her texting a OM was over 4 years ago. Shortly after we had reconciled and had gotten pretty close. I'm just seeing some of the same "red flags" that I saw back then.

I have no proof or anything that there is a OM. I do know that she had gotten more distant and secretive... (changing password on phone, buying one of those screen protectors that makes it so you can only see the screen when looking straight on, not from an angle). When i brought up the issue of her acting distant, she just said that everything was fine. Well, she wasn't acting that way. Of course (this was pre-DB) I kept pushing over the next couple weeks trying to get her to talk to me, asking her several times to just tell me everything was OK. She never did come out and say it. That's when my suspicion got the better of me and I started checking her phone logs. That's also when i set up the camera in our bedroom hoping to get some insight as to what was going on. Since then, she's changed the password on our phone account so i can't access the phone logs, and she never leaves her phone unattended.

So, how has she acted toward you, since Father's Day?

Well other than the one day when she got all bent out of shape about the whole return at the store and called me lazy in front of the kids, things have been... um, tolerable would be the word i'd use. She's not initiated again, but has been nice. Not mean or spiteful, but certainly not loving. I've been trying to detach, sometimes I feel like i'm doing it right, others I know i'm not detaching for myself, but wanting her to notice that I am detaching. When that happens it's easy to get resentful and detaching turns into me just being spiteful. Still working on that one.

I have resisted the temptation to try to drag her into talking about the MR. But I did fall off the wagon and did some snooping of her internet usage and found that she's visited her "site of choice" twice since fathers day. No need to initiate when you'd rather be with anyone but me to begin with. Now I know firsthand why your supposed to cut out the snooping. Only person that it hurt was me. I did see she's visited a few marriage counseling sites, but she certainly hasn't put anything she may have seen there into practice.

As for GAL, I was doing great out of the gate, but have not done as well lately. Been spending a lot of time around the house doing odd jobs and such. Need to get out of the house and start meeting some new people.