Gerda, thank you for posting. I have been kind of transparent about where i live, so we might very well be neighbors.
When i first signed on here as Julie in 2015, i desperatly wanted to salvage my marriage. But i was very angry.
I remember Zues asked me the question of when is it ok to abandon a marriage. Even early on I responded...
1. If there was harm or endangerment to myself or my child
2. If there was cheating.
Now "harm" is a broad term. Many waywards like to claim they are harmed by all the psychological abuse we LBS put them through over the years. Or they argue that the children are happier if the parents are happier. I know many of us endure a lot of true abuse and gaslighting because we dont want to play that card.
Cheating is a pretty black and white boundary though.
In my case, my ex left. Didnt want to be married to me anymore. He was actually raised as a christian. He was enabled by his mom who was a devote christian. She actually told me "people get divorced now. Its not how it was when i was young" I was not raised with religion. Yet I upheld stronger beliefs in marriage. Go figure.
I have much respect for the important roles marriage and family plays in most religious instititions.
I think there are enough clear cut boundaries, that many religious institutions recognize as well, that allow for us to let go of our marriages. Cheating for one, and then theres abandonment.
To endure any type of relationship with someone that is cheating is harmful to your soul. There is nothing noble about that. I think its ok to love your spouse, or your enemy but its more important to love yourself. No? So yeah, we can still love them. I will always love my ex. Im not suggesting that we burn them at the stake.
But allowing them to take advantage based on the argument of unconditional love is another story.
More importantly,I think that not providing them with strong consequences (that are also fair and not vindictive in nature) for their actions is a disservice to god. Because without consequences, how do they grow spiritually and learn?
