Hi Juju, I was interested to read your recent posts and sorry too, that you've hit a bit of a bend in the road with this guy. I've been seeing a guy for four or five months now and, whilst things are largely good, I too have struggled with navigating some of the issues in a new relationship.
Things I try to do now that I didn't do before (in my marriage.) I try to be pretty direct and pleasant about where I'm at. If something isn't working for me, or I don't like it, I normally say so. Rather than withdrawing my affection or company - I try and say what's on my mind. I have to say I find it pretty excruciating at times to do that - and so does he I think - but he's still here and so am I.
I can see that what you describe might feel pretty wearing. I could imagine my stepson saying the curtain thing. Like it was my responsibility - who knew??? So, rather than bicker - which is tempting when we feel got at - I might try to say - in a pleasant and non-argumentative tone - You're welcome to close the curtains if the light's disturbing you. Or - please don't call me that - I don't like it (A-hole) - pleasant and firm.
Reading co-dependant no more helped me with a couple of questions. Does this work for me? And - What do I need to do to look after myself in this situation?
Again, with your son, a direct conversation may be good - You haven't initiated spending any time with S, since we last did X. Are you feeling okay about us all spending time together?
I certainly try not to overthink things these days - in truth (and I've been up front about this too) I'm not really looking to marry, share finances or even cohabit. And that does take off some pressure - if things don't work out - and I would be sad - we would stop seeing each other and I would be back where I was six months ago. And there would be some good and some not so good things about that - but I don't fear it...
Anyway, I hope there might be something in there that could be of use & I hope things unfold positively for you Juju. Xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
