Affair, no feelings...is there hope? V

[sandi2]

3rd and last continuing response to your previous post:

The secretive behavior has thankfully stopped, but I am wary because of exactly what you say about the addiction. I'm not letting my guard down.

Oh, so there have been no more of her trying to keep you from seeing who she is texting? She doesn't try to hide it?

One question, is true remorse/repentance going to coincide with recommitment or could those be separate states/events?

Depends on the sitch, but usually, I think she wants to reconcile and do whatever is necessary to save the M.

So my question is, when can I start showing any encouragement to work on the MR. Wait for her to explicitly go there? Or at least cut out all the back and forth securing her position stuff?

When you see authentic, freak'in change in her attitude & behavior. Not some head dreams you try to convince yourself. When she starts showing you respect. When you see her genuinely trying to do the right thing, and trying to reconcile the MR.

I'm assuming it will be an obvious difference,

There will be an obvious difference in what you are currently seeing in her. You will knows she is sincere, b/c she is willing to cooperate. She won't be playing these disrespectful games with you! Her attitude will be humble, warm, appreciative......and even giving. I dare say, she expects you to do all the giving in the relationship, rather than her. If her heart changes, then her unwillingness changes, too.

She is so stubborn about not wanting to seem too positive about anything/me. If she wants me close to her she tries the old "I'm cold" trick. Before my family arrived, she came to the bed a day early and was again making sure she clarified there was some reason she was sleeping there.

It is not stubbornness that makes her this way. It is her waywardness.

There are days she is pretty relaxed about having her guard down. She is definitely warmer, treating me better; more of the good, less of the bad.

Are there ever any days where she treats you all good with zero bad? Do you ever remember having a 24 hour period together, where there were no hints of bad?