Why not just say that I didn't spend enough time listening and validating?

How would you know if it was enough?
I did say that I listened and validated.

"Isn't that what a good partner does?
In the event that this wasn't rhetorical, I going to answer. Yes, that is what a good partner does, to a point. At some point, it can become excessive and feels inequitable. At that point, the partnership may feel one-sided and it is imposable to be a good partner in an inequitable partnership.

M 53 W 54, M since 98
D15, D19
8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM
until 10/14
7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR
12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.