W sent me a text while i was alseep last nite saying- Is Ss phone not working at all?...Just checking to have dinner together tomorrow..Or another nite if it's better? Thnaks.
Now do I just respond saying S has not mentioned anything to me about his phone or dinner and leave it at that. Or do I bring it up with S (knowing it might even bring him down) and then respond. Let it be known I do want a R between S & W. Any suggestions?
M51 w50 T-20Yrs M-16Yrs S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up 1 Awesum dog BD 10/31/17 separate rooms 02/08/18 wife moved out 05/17/18
Just tell your S. "Your moms trying to get a hold of you." Let him decide. He's 15 Text W "I told him to reach out to you" To co-parent.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
Spoke with S15 about W reaching out to W have dinner. He said no thanks and that he has no intention to reach out to her. So sent out a quick text saying - Sorry but S said no thanks to dinner. We shall see what happens next. Keep us in your prayers. Thanks
M51 w50 T-20Yrs M-16Yrs S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up 1 Awesum dog BD 10/31/17 separate rooms 02/08/18 wife moved out 05/17/18
LW, Until you stop trying to control these people you will have limited progress. I honestly believe this. I know you have heard it before.
I mean this with your utmost interests in mind.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
I do this not by choice-S will not respond to W. Shall I just sit idle and have her text me? I did what I thought was right. S gets upset when dealing with W. I am only doing this so that it does not ruin his day. I have experienced the effects it has on him.
M51 w50 T-20Yrs M-16Yrs S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up 1 Awesum dog BD 10/31/17 separate rooms 02/08/18 wife moved out 05/17/18
I believe that your intentions are good, but it is still control.
Yes, your son will be upset. But she is his mother, and she's not abusive, so it is not your job to protect your son from her. Your son needs to learn to deal with the situation and his feelings. Your wife needs to persist in trying to build a relationship with her son, so even in his anger and hurt he knows she is reaching out.
You need to stay out of it.
When you received your wife's text, you should have verified that son's phone was working--a quick text about something else would do it--and then respond that his phone is working and she will have to work out any arrangements directly with son because you are staying out of their relationship.
Me: 44 H: 44 Kids: 20, 16, 16, and 10 Together/Married: 22 years H announced he was emotionally detached and considering D: 4/4/16 H announced he is going to try to stay and reconnect: 5/1/16
I do this not by choice-S will not respond to W. Shall I just sit idle and have her text me? I did what I thought was right. S gets upset when dealing with W. I am only doing this so that it does not ruin his day. I have experienced the effects it has on him.
Alright, I'll bite. In the event that you really don't know. I will lay it out.
"I do this not by choice" Really? Who forced you? How about tell the W that you passed her message along and leave it at that?
"S gets upset when dealing with W." So what? Is he of healthy mental state? If so let him get upset. Stay out. It is not your job to not see that his day is not ruined. As altruistic as you may word this self-talk it is just controlling behavior. Let go, let God. Right?
I hope this helps. I really do.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
Rose -RR thanks for the 2X4- My bad!! After thinking more about it- I need to just back up and shut up and stay out. It is my paternal instinct on not wanting to see my S hurt but you guys are right. Thanks tribe!
M51 w50 T-20Yrs M-16Yrs S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up 1 Awesum dog BD 10/31/17 separate rooms 02/08/18 wife moved out 05/17/18
LW, I don't need you to admit you're wrong. It's not a 2x4. You need to acknowledge that you have a control issue. And this is from just your side of the story.
For your and your families sake. I honestly think you need to address this. It's not a personal attack. It's a constructive diagnosis. If your S is so delicate, which I don't believe, well you've got him so overscheduled and structured that it is sure to make things worse. Ask him what he wants to do, gift him the freedom without guilt to do these things. THIS will help him become a balanced well-adjusted adult. Prepared to navigate whatever comes his way. You can not fix whatever damage his mother does. So stop trying. The goal is to get you three back together and have this just be a blip on the screen. Right?
Triangulation and control are all over your posts. Read about it, Pray about it.
This is good news. You have found brutally honest a-holes like me to lay it out. At least you know what to work on.
This is what you need to communicate to both these people that you have dropped the rope. Your controlling ways are over. This does not absolve W of any fault. But remember you are not to even try to fix her. All you can do is set boundaries. You are not going to tolerate whatever she subjects you to. That's it. Not control just set boundaries and enforce them.
I really want to help you. I know you feel like I'm picking on you and that's Okay. I don't believe in unconditional support. I believe in actionable feedback and practical application. Do what needs to be done to give yourself the best chance to get the results you desire.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
