I was accused of assault after I went to see my children and the OM was with my wife at her parents house, he pushed me, and threatened me and called the Police. When the Police spoke to my W she alleged Emotional Abuse and Coercive Control- the Police never charged me with that as it was all false- however, they did charge me with Assault- and I was bailed- I pleaded Not Guilty- as I wasn't- but the Bail conditions at the time forced me out of the MH and I am still not there- the charges were dropped eventually- and me and my WW did start to begin to put things back together- but it is all nice guy stuff- she is still in regular contact with him and in spite of her saying she understood that all contact with him would have to stop if she was serious about picking up the pieces. We have been spending time together- days out with the kids etc. shared activities- but there was no warmth or affection whatsoever- and I wanted to believe her- but like so many say, I don't believe anything she says, and only half of what she does- and the fact she barely makes eye contact with me tells me a lot.
It wasn't an ultimatum as such, but I made it clear that I am not prepared to continue playing happy families while she continues to disrespect me and our marriage- we are catholic and I truly think is paying lip service to not wanting a Divorce, and trying counselling.
So I have taken a decision to remove myself from shared days out/ time together as the reality is that I do not want to be her "friend" I have told her this and that I am her husband. I recognise that the Nice Guy Sydrome- and as someone who was often walking on eggshells to avoid upsetting her.
She is also very critical of me, often in front of the children and that is also the reason I do not want to carry on the charade of happy families.
In terms of detaching- I have separated out the finances- I pay half the mortgage- and half the insurance- I do also still pay the phone bill and her mobile phone bill as they are both under contract until August- we do have a shared Bank Account which is overdrawn (shock) and I have 2 accounts of my own- where may salary gets paid into- she is claiming all kinds of benefits now- and as far as I can see things are pretty comfortable for her.
She is being good with the children, but it is all in her control- she controls when I see them, speak to them, and while I am seeing them everyday (to bath them and put them to bed) it does peeve me off somewhat as she is now entitled to the fact that I am doing this every night- another form of control- don't get me wrong I love bathtime and story time- but I feel if she didn't feel it worked for her- she would soon put a stop to it.
The most frustrating thing is, she seems to be ebbing and flowing, on the one hand saying the A is over and she doesn't want a D, but she admits she is still in contact with him "as friends" which I cannot accept and for me is an EA and will go back to a full blown A (when it takes her fancy or she falls out with me in order to justify her actions)
I am GALing (she criticised me for that too) I am now detaching I do want to go dark- but we need to interact over the children. I don't want to beg, pursue or plead- but like many on here- I feel like she needs to wake up and get out of this fog- but the status quo is not helping
I feel like an drowning in a mixture of jealously, longing, loneliness and grief.
Sorru for the long reply
M(41), W(37) S (6) D (4) S (2) M-8, T-12 W "I don't love you, I am in love with another man" "I don't know you anymore"
