I wasn' t going to post but i realise that i can help others by sharing how i got through this...
Sunday, me and Daughters were able to get off work at lunchtime so we made it in Quebec just in time to welcome everyone who attended the wake. 3 out of 4 aunts were able to come. In the evening, her Godson( who we concidere another brother of ours)from Florida made appearance. We were sooo surprised and happy beyond words. I never expected this! Shortly before, another one of my cousins ( whom i have not seen since childhood) showed up. My joy was sky high!! Many old neighbours, friends and family attended.
Monday, my anxiety was felt in a low key. At thr first sign of it, i concentrated on my prior joy of being surrounded by so many loved ones. I also tried to reverse the table. It must be 100 times harder for ex-h to find the courage of facing all of those people who LOVE all of us.
Me, my brothers and sisters were ask to go to the church to get directives for the ceremony. I suddenly got a tap on my shoulder. D22 jumped in my arms. As we hugged, my 2 brothers shook hands with ex-h. To my surprise, ex-h opened his arms to me to give his condoleances. I hugged him, thank him and turned my attention back to D22. She says: " look, we bought flowers! " ( in a vase ). Me: oh wow.. thanks.. i' ll put them in the car. We are done in the church. Let' s go join everybody.
Ex-h was right behind us. I looked at him and said: " the children will sit with you. Us, my mother' s children, are taking parts in the ceremony. Me, Jack and Gerry are opening and closing it. I have to sit up front along with my sisters.
Ex-h agreed.
Once we walked in the hall, everyone came to greet D22 and ex-h With a hug and a kiss. Many people thanked ex-h for his presence and kindness. They made him feel welcome as if he never left 10 years ago.
Within 15 min. of their arrival, we had to move to the church.
I was the " holder of the cross and the guide for my 2 brothers on my side " i was first in line, followed by my brothers, and then, my mother. I was a bit teary but i stood tall and proud. My 2 sisters read and my third one did the honnouring speech. Now, we all got emotional. There was laughs, tears but above all love and pride of being in such close and loving family. At the end of the ceremony, i once again stood tall and walked to the back with my brothers and my mom. I cried as my mother passed by us. and continued to cry while thanking everyone who walked by. Kissed each of my children as they walked by and stayed there until everyone left the church.
When i made my way back to my children, i approached ex-h and told him that next was the cemetary followed by a lunch at the hall we used to rent for our X-mas parties. D22 said they were leaving and ex-h turned to her and said: Don' t you want to bring your flowers to your grandma?
( to my surprise, they were not for me. Lol ) I said: " yes, come. All 4 of yous can lay them by her.
They did. Now, D22 sais: we have to leave. He has another 8 hours of driving. I said to ex-h: you are more then welcome to join us. No matter what, you' ll have to eat. Might as well be with the children.
He agreed.
I did not seat by him. I had my nephiew on one side and D18 and D22 on the other. Next to her was ex-h. Across the table, there was Son' s gf, son and D15 followed by my sister Solange.
Lunch over, D22 get up and says, now, we' re really leaving. I got up, hugged and kissed her. Told her i would text her before we leave saturday. ( we are going appartment hunting in North Bay for D18) While we did this, ex-h got up and walked the other way so i sat back down with nephew and told my children to go give their hugs and goobyes to their dad. I let them be.
I have not heard a peep from ex-h since. D22 however has sent us a group message saying : " dad followed the speed limit the whole way and stopped many time. Weird! "
I answered: " he probably has alot on his mind since he was welcomed with open arms and threated with love and respect from my whole family"
D22 says: " yeah! You' re probably right! "
We got back home a little pass super time. Son and gf gathered their stuff and made our way to Timmins. Got home late.
Today, the usual routine is back.
I feel good. I am a bit tired but i am at peace. And for that, i am thankful!
