Patience & DB / Detach or Divorce

[Did]

Loves Im sorry to hear that you turn him off as you say. Are you bettering yourself? Working out, eating healthy, cooking, reading / learning, becoming a better, healthier, stronger, deeper person? I am trying to every day but definitely slip up at times.

My W did just get her own rental... Im paying 1325/mo for plus 1000/mo and we each got 45k from a house sale. So yea she should be pretty decent to me Id think... I agreed to do this for 3 months and then we will re-evaluate and see where we are at. She is so focused on support and money while Im focused on the emotion and relationship. Im going to try to care less or at least come off as if I dont care about her as much.

If we divorce it would be probably more up front and less per month. Hopefully she will be working by the end of the sumemer but I kind of doubt it which [censored]. She wont get a part time job she acts really entitled. I have said that to her a couple times and of course she loses it. So I stopped I cant try to change her or better her etc.

We get along for the most part. Unless we talk about anything like our relationship or if there is anything negative between us she cant handle it. She cries or just shuts down. So yea its not the time for us to really figure anything out. She really seems to like me more when Im not available so thats what Im going for but its hard as Fck because I really am available.

Ive been trying not to talk about anything serious or negative to her but with moving and figuring out money its been impossible. I really want her to start working after mid July when I can have our daughter just about any time but I cant force her to.

When I was working a lot and busy she was randomly texting me my anxiety is so much better around you and Im sorry for all the pain Ive caused you. Then there has been a step back since moving and the stress and arguments that arise with half of our money going to her etc. Again patience...

She was looking up rentals like a year ago and I checked her email and got so mad. I couldnt believe it, she didnt work Im this attractive successful guy she wanted to have more kids with less than a year ago now she wants to get her own rental... who was going to pay for it. I just knew I could get her back and said we couldnt afford a rental while we had a $2700/mo mortgage. So we sold our "forever home". I understand now she must have felt like a prisoner. She lived with her parents for a year. I just didnt understand then. I screwed up so many ways the first 8-10 months. If I had acted like I am now Im sure we would be together again and probably wouldnt have been with other partners etc.

Anyway, we facetime like once or twice a day to talk to our daughter. She called me this morning around 8am and I asked to facetime tonight at dinner time... I really think its our daughter that I miss more than anything. I mean of course I miss my wife but its been so long since weve been intimate and had really good times. I still feel connected to her and would choose her over anyone but I know there are other women out there. But there are no other women I have children with... when I dont have my daughter its like I feel incomplete or like my life is just a mess and what am I doing... Like Im not a good enough dad or person to be there for my daughter every day.

I dont know if the facetime is pursuit hopefully not. Our daughter is the most important thing especially to my W. I love her and try to the best dad I possibly can plus she brightens up my day. I wish I could have her every day but its outside my control.

Trying to be patient. I assume my posts on here are getting boring. With some of the intense situations going on out there in the forum. I just want to get my dam* wife back and family back. I love her and want her to just freaking see the great guy and father of her child. She tells me she sees me for the man I am and how admirable it is. But the timing isnt right or she is traumatized etc. I cant believe she doesnt run back but Im sure our timetables are way different.

Patience is the hardest thing for me... and being bored / lonely. Trying to GAL activities with guys is tough, had plans with a guy tonight then he texted me that he and his Ex (recent divorce) were going to the vet to put their dog down... ouch.

Been working out just about every day did 75 min intense yoga class this morning last night ran and did pushups hit some hills too. Thunderstorm tonight may get some meditation in... all this rambling here and I guess Im procrastinating dinner and getting work done.

Thanks all for the support its nice to be able to communicate with everyone on here and not have to worry about pushing people away.