Yet Another LBS w/ WAW

[hongaku]

My first thoughts are do you have goals?

Have you a life purpose?

V

If I were to answer you honestly at this moment in time, then no. I have vague ideas and fuzzy aspirations, but I no solid long term goals in terms of a career, nor a sense of life purpose outside of my artistic passions as a musician and writer - but those are passion hobbies, not a way to make a living. I have more benign short term goals of getting back into the professional job-force and improving my physical and mental health. So far the physical part is mostly going well at least. Some good headway on the mental health side with IC and anti-depressant medication seeming to be largely effective in terms of my view of myself and no longer berating myself. I am extremely depressed still, but it is now more situational than anything else - the triggering situation being the one with my W presently wanting to divorce at the end of the mandatory year of separation required by the state we live in. Still working on the getting a job part, unfortunately.

I feel like maybe I did have bigger goals and a greater sense of purpose when I was younger, but the daily grind of life and responsibilities of being a parent and spouse fogged my vision and wore down my ambition. Coupled with having suffered from depression long term, I really do not know who I am anymore and I am trying to find me in all of this whilst also trying to deal with the grief and sense of loss.