I am so sorry to hear, I am sure it is devastating. But everyone is right, this is a long haul issue, and first question is do you want to try to get through the long haul? It is perfectly reasonable to decide you have had enough and face the loss of your relationship and move on. Because even if you decided not to give up you still would have to face the loss of your relationship, and then NOT move on.
It is very hard to change patterns or how we view someone we have shared a large portion of our lives with. Even when our brains understand it is just an illusion. I do not know if this is useful but I always reminded myself of the great saying: definition of insanity is to do the same thing over and over and expect different results. So with that in mind why not do something different?
Agree with her about her divorce. Do not push, do not do anything to proceed, but simply agree and tell her to do what she has to do. Validate how she feels and what she wants but you do not have to agree nor do you have tell her about it. One thing about the mind of an MLCer from everything I have read and experienced is there is no such thing as a certain and stable decision. There is a lot of reactivity and whatever is true right now has been true FOREVER. Until it is not.
