The way I see it, you are making the family activities more of a stumbling block than necessary. Your friends know about her health issues, right? So, why can't you and the kids plan to attend the barbecue and fireworks......regardless of your W's decision to go? You are making everything about her. Just like the weekend you wanted to work in the yard and make it a family activity. It became pursuit b/c your motive was all about getting her involved. It ended with you doing nothing with the kids.
It becomes pursuit to her when/if she feels emotionally pressured by you. She wants the freedom to make her own choice whether or not to participate. Stop making everything about her. Make it about the rest of your family (you and the kids).
It reminds me of a person who orders a sweet treat with whip cream on top. If a cherry is not on the whip cream, he complains and doesn't enjoy the rest of the goodie b/c his mind is on the cherry that was not included...or, he might not eat the treat at all. Why deny yourself and your kids the activity just b/c of her? Why must everything hinge on her? If she participates.......fine. If she doesn't participate.......fine.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
