fmly- W will do what she will do you will not do anything to change her mind. You need to focus on your kids and you. As for speaking to her family- I would suggest against it because they are her family and will mostly side with her. In regards to your talk with the kids be up front with them and remain respectful in regards to your W. Good Luck!
M51 w50 T-20Yrs M-16Yrs S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up 1 Awesum dog BD 10/31/17 separate rooms 02/08/18 wife moved out 05/17/18
Wait.............remember you let go of her. Now is the time to back it up. Nobody can help her. This is how waywards act. Don't approach her parents. If they ask you about the sitch, tell them the truth, but do not go to them and make it your business to tell them before she does. They are her parents! You've let it go! You have no control over her.
Be honest with your kids, in an age appropriate manner. She will probably be furious if you tell them, so take this as a warning.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
F - My W moved out 3 weeks after BD, called me on the phone one day to tell me she was looking at apartments. There is nothing you can do to stop it, you do have to let her go, set her free. She will get more upset if you try to control her.
Sandi2, I get what you are saying and i know nobody can help her. But the sitch is much more complicated than that. First im worried about my wifes stability. And concerned that once everything hits the fan she could do something to potentially harm herself. She hass expressed the idea before to my mother. She said that ahe contemplated suicide in college.
I dont want my wifes parents to blame me for anything. We all know how common it is for someone in mlc to blame their spouse. God forbid if something eved happened thag i would habe to live with thag on my conscience. Its really something i feel obligated to do. Not too mention ill hear from my inlaws the moment my wife informs them shes moving.
Ok.... I feel the need to be harsh with you. Maybe some tough love. You feel for her bc of something she said in college? I get that you love her... I do. But your wife is going to move out so she can have the life that she wants to live right now, and not be under your microscope, or so she thinks. Do not kid yourself. She is running from anything tied to you. Let her. Do not try to stop her. Be strong for your kiddos. With their ages, I'd bet they already know what is up anyways. And if they do, they know what she is doing.
It truly isn't complicated. The more you support her the worse it will be in the long run. It's called enabling.
It's not your job to resolve your WW issues, mental or physical. And if she does harm herself then that's not something you as an amateur can prevent. She will need a plethora of professionals.
Your WW isn't in MLC, she is compulsive and possibly mentally ill and not being treated. Her parents can step in.
You are not to 'blame' for this, or for her moving.
The most loving thing you can do is let it happen, the sooner the better. And protect your family. Do this for your family and for WW too. Hold that which is precious safe. You can do this.
There is no guilt in it. You are doing what is right and leaving WW to the correct devices, it doesn't help if you go under too.
I like Loves post very much indeed. We are saying the same thing in different ways.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Dealing with suicide, harm etc and threats of it are very hard.
In many ways, drug addicts, alcoholics, gamblers, overeaters, smokers, anorexics, cutters are already in self destruct mode. It's a slower way to destroy the self.
Get out of the way.
When someone threatens suicide, self destruction then call their bluff. Say go ahead and I am calling the police to get you help. This is above my pay grade and it isn't appropriate for me to be involved.
If it's clear you will do this, fakers will stop bluffing and those in real danger will get help fast.
I am very clear in my mind on it and if needs be then a convo with her parents now may be in order. You can say if WW advises me that she will harm herself then I will get her location, ring the police and give them your number. I want her to have professional help if that happens and this is above my pay grade. The children (Your brandchildren) come first.
Your handle F1 says it all.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
