The children are really young (6, 4 and 2) and up until now we have still been having family days out. . .together, albeit we have been in full on parent mode and more like friends. I think this is nice guy behaviour and I need to stop- but how do I communicate this to her? I was thinking of speaking to her and saying that "you said you wanted to save the marriage, yet I know you are still messaging him and I cannot have 3 people in our marriage, so until you can demonstrate to me you want to save the marriage, I am not going to play happy families just for the sake of the children- you know the children are my world and I would do anything for them but I cannot allow myself to continue to be disrespected by you
And then until she either coughs up and shows genuine remorse and honesty, the only interaction I will have will be about the children.
The only other thing, I am still living at my mums- there is technically nothing to stop me moving back home, so should I? As I think partly me not being in the MH is also enabling this cake eating.
In my opinion, you're both pretending she's not having an affair. Every day you lose ground in terms of respect and self worth. You're afraid. That's a recipe for heartbreak.
Telling her you're moving back in and she needs to stop talking to the other guy this instant. Otherwise, she needs to move out in 30 days. Period. Just FYI, she'll likely move out into his arms, but at least you have clarity on what she truly values.
The alternative is this limbo state for a few months and then her moving out anyways. Sometimes you have to stand up for yourself and make the damn thing real.
