Your H has a lot of unresolved issues, starting with living in an unstable home country, living up to his parents expectations, thinking he missed out on life, not taking on responsibility with his family and work, and so on.
These won't be resolved by himself and he needs to seek professional help. If he doesn't, then I don't see things getting better for him. Having those unfair expectations about living a large life and then realizing that it was all a pipe dream can be shocking. Some people use that as a reality check and work harder and get a grip on their lives. For some, it ends up with depression and blaming everybody and everything else. Looks like he's in the latter camp.
Now that you're settled and making a life for you and D, just focus on that and hopefully he can come to his senses and get help. Mental health is such a taboo, but it is so needed as part of your self-care. As you said, you can't push him in this direction and he's gotta do it himself.
