I just don't know. I've been trying to understand what's wrong with my husband for years. He was almost kicked out of his residency program for similar reasons (also while he separated and was dating a nurse). He barely passed his exams. He's always been an underachiever and he's only really motivated about things that interest him like cars, clothing, home design, etc.. He has no interest in being a physician. His father made him do it and he continued on the path because he thought he'd make good money. I've always encouraged him to do what makes him happy like be a car salesman but he felt he had to be a physician.
My husband definitely has severe ADHD that's never been treated. That's a certainty. He also has depressive episodes and some signs of manic episodes although since the psychologist told me he doesn't think my husband is bipolar I'm not qualified to diagnose him with that.
My friends who are physicians usually comment that my husband is immature, not ready to grow up, or they don't know what to say at all. In some ways my husband is just ill-equipped for life here in the US. He was a student living with his parents for most of the time in his home country. He never had any responsibility. Then when he came to the US he lived with me and stayed at home studying while I worked and managed everything. Then when he started residency and we had our daughter during his first year as a resident it seems he collapsed under pressure. Suddenly he had responsibility and he couldn't handle the stress. It's like he regressed to being a teenager just wanting to date easy women, go out, have fun, and live a carefree life.
Like many people from developing countries my husband dreamed to make a lot of money and live a life of luxury here in the US. He didn't want to listen when I told him that even doctors don't really make that much money (unless they're specialists like an orthopedic surgeon).
Unless my husband is willing to recognize that he has a problem and work to fix his life I don't see much hope. I'm sorry for all of us here who are dealing with unstable spouses who went off the deep end.
