I'm Broken II

[bhappy2]

I know I don't deserve to be punished for it for the rest of my life but I get confused as to how much is "enough". I just don't know what's normal, that's what it comes down to.

Of course youre afraid, but its time to put your foot down. You do not deserve to be treated like this, do you not think your children are seeing this? They are learning from your H that if you believe someone has done something wrong to you, you then torment them for as long as they can take it. Your life is worth living and being happy.

We had been talking about Disneyworld before all this happened and the little's keep asking when we're going....I keep wondering if I should give them that memory as a family.

These are tough situations I get that, but you could do this without him. If you cant afford it then guess what the kids will have to wait.

I actually don't communicate with him anymore about anything besides the kids.

As I read your sitch something stuck out to me, he texted you that he misses you and wants to be with you. You jump all over this, why? He is playing with your emotions, do not let him do that.

In relationship past, if H is upset with me, I have always been afraid to "escalate" things because he will always one up me.

What are some of the things he would get upset with you, of course beside the kissing and time with coworker? Who usually would stay mad longer? I read Vanilla post all the time because they deal directly with abuse, and clearly he is doing this.

I love my kids more than anything in this world and I loved my family and I loved my H. Being forced to make these decisions and having to be the one to carry it through even though it's not what I want is like the worst torture. And he will torment me every.step.of.the.way.

The best part is you used past tense when saying you loved your H, so do you love him or the idea of keeping the family together? You are deserving of being treated with respect even after what happened, you apologized enough. If you keep apologizing it will have no effect whatsoever.

It looks like you might live near NYC. If so I will give you plenty of recomendations for fun and inexpensive activities with the kids, make it know that H is welcome to come but if he says no then you go anyway. BTW I just ran a 5K that included a free BBQ and carnival to all the kids... it was great my D23 nd D19 ran with me. They both beat me and I called for a thorough investigation..LOL... great time...I am prob going whitewater rafting this Thursday, looks like fun..

Keep posting, there is no better site on the internet for help.