I've found a new T. In spite of how good my life is now, I'm still really really angry with XH and I'm not sure why, I guess just for not being who I thought he was and needed him to be. He didn't love me so he left and that was the right thing to do. I'm with someone now who is showing me everything I was missing before. But I still have to interact with XH in terms of figuring out holidays, graduations, college tuition and other grown-kid type stuff and it's always painful and awkward for me to anticipate how to be and what will happen. (For example we exchanged text messages about S18's graduation and he said he'd go so I was nervous about whether we'd sit together or not, and then he was so late he almost missed it, and didn't sit in the empty seat I had next to me, and I was mad about that; and then he asked S18 to go out to dinner even though S18 and I already had plans, so I was mad about that but invited him along and was nervous about that, and it turned out ok so I was relieved. Too much emotion going on over XH and his behavior.)
So I'm hoping to have T help me with that, and with how to get off the fence and move forward with moving in with my bf, and with the anxiety and depression I still cope with, and various other things I need to work on. Assignment is to re-read Codependent No More. I forgot and fell back into some old patterns, and with my bf's really crazy alcoholic XW it's good for me to get a refresher on the fact that I can't fix things and it's not my job.
The XW is now blaming all her problems on me, and her abusive outbursts to my bf and sometimes to her kids are over the top. But we've been advised to go about our days together like normal and let her have whatever reaction she's going to have, to not walk on eggshells around her. If my bf weren't so perfect for me in other ways, it would be irritating that he comes with little kids and a crazy ex, but he really is good for me.
I'm back in DB to look for wisdom in navigating these complicated relationships since I know a lot of people here deal with the same kinds of things.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
