WAW or WW? What should I do to save my MR.

[Nutcrac]

Wyoung,

I read your whole story. It matches my stitch (Except that you have a kid) so closely that it echoes back. I have been in a similar situation like you are for a long time ago. However My wife is physically separated compared to you where you have been in house separation. I am not sure how much in house separation helps. I think its a slow killer. And lo behold, I am pretty sure just like you, your wife doesn't have any kind of an affair going on. Sandi2 can affirm. At least in my case in house separation didn't help and my wife felt she wanted more space and moved out. Now we are on the verge of divorce with my divorce final hearing closing in.
I did the same mistakes like what you did - begging, pleading, crying etc. Those never ever help. Like you pointed out, the first and foremost thing is for you to fix yourself emotionally. You should not waver no matter what your wife says. Even if she throws a rock at you you should stand still without wavering. And like many points mentioned above, you should validate. The biggest challenge in validation in both our cases i feel is our wives are just too angry at us. When they talk to us, anger spills out like water, when you validate (Without emotions, and strong facial expressions) they still don't get it as the anger is overpowering. TIME is the only factor here. And the one good thing you are doing is physically you are away for a month. That is very good but 1 month is too less a time. Somehow she should not feel the presence of you or your kid. It reminds her of past miseries or initiates some bad trigger thoughts in her mind making it really annoying and angry for her.
And you are absolutely right! Just like my wife, she is going through depression. And it is not mild. Its deep. You cannot suggest therapy to them. It is very difficult as it will backfire on you. They should only realize and figure out what is best for them.
My mutual friends actually met my wife. She has committed to the fact that our relationship is done. She will take about 2-3 years to recover. That is the kind of timeline at least i should plan to look at if at all there is a chance of reconciliation. Imagine how much sad and depressed they are and how difficult it is for them to overcome the situation. At this point of time, they simply don't care for anything around or society. They simply self destruct. My wife even told my mutual friends that she does not know whether she is doing right or wrong , but getting back to me is an impossible thing. All they need at this time is peace of mind - Alone & depressed. I feel in your situation, you should simply be humble and not be emotional at all. Whatver your wife throws at you, take it with a pinch of salt. If she is too abusive and you can't take it anymore, It is OK to remove yourself from that situation in a polite manner and come back later when things have cooled down. My wife has been angry at me all the while and I don't know how long (years) it will continue for? That is their defense mechanism and you cant help it. After living with that anger for 6 years and retaliating most of the times, I realized changing my approach after our R went south. I simply listened to her, her anger, and tolerated her heavy mood swings. When you face your wife, maintain a very good eye contact. Be very confident, as if you dont care that if she leaves you, you will still be fine. Maintain a very strong & confident facial expression. Even a slightest facial worry during her verbal outrage, might cause her to think otherwise. That and validation is the only way you can win your wife back with love!