Can I really do this #4

[SteveLW]

Steve,
The answer to that question is a resounding "No". My heart, mind and soul want to keep my family and MR together. I do not want to be with someone who truly doesn't want to be with me. Especially if this is just for financial or relocation purposes. This is where I am confused. DB'ing is giving them time and space so they can think on their actions and decisions. It is also for me to GAL, make myself into the person I want to be, be the best parent I can be for our children and IF by some reason she realizes I am the "spouse only a fool would leave" that there is a chance for us to create a path and plan to begin a new and better MR. Tough to give space, time and not exert any pressure when this opportunity is very time sensitive and action will have to be taken quickly if WE would forward for our future.

JS I think you are mixing two different things. DBing is about making changes in yourself that REATTRACT your W back to you. But she comes back to because she likes the changes and wants to be with you.

Getting her to come back for any other reason risks the R being temporary. It is kind of like this:

The government passes a law that says "No spouse may divorce or leave their spouse except for a) Physical Abuse b) Adultery". You've committed either so by law now your W has to stay with you. This law takes years to work through the courts but 2 years later the SCOTUS says the law is unconstitutional and strikes it down. Your W W only staying because the law said she had to be, so she goes and files for divorce the next day.

Well, if she stays with you only to get out of the city she hates, what happens when she starts hating the new city? Or the new shine wears off of it? Or any other thing changes causing her to no longer feel the need to be there for the reason she originally felt?

See the difference? DBing might cause her to WANT to be with you. Moving to the new city might cause her to stay with you just to get out of the current city. Not the same thing.