Mostly a quiet weekend. W is having some kind of "bug" she said for her health issues (hence the 4 hour nap on Thursday). She was on the couch most of the weekend, but did get outside for 45 minutes for a walk on Saturday. That knocked her out for the rest of the day and for Sunday as well.
We didn't talk much, watched a little tv together. I did some housework and the kids pitched in a ton so very proud of them! We got a lot done and I told them how much I appreciate them.
I did do a little bit more for my W this weekend due to the health issue to make her a little more comfortable. I would have done that for any house guest, so I didn't feel I was doing anything "wrong" in the db'ing sense.
Going to bed last night, I always reach my hand over to help her into bed. Bad back/neck issues and the bed is fairly high off of the ground. I just haven't gotten out of the habit for some reason, but she hasn't grabbed my hand for help in 2 months. Last night she did. Also, I always let her know when I am leaving in the morning and to have a good day. She usually responds with "you too". Today it was a full sentence "I hope you have a good day too".
Nothing major, nothing minor. I am just working on myself to get out of my own head. I have to constantly remind myself that there is nothing that I can do outside of db'ing that will wake her up. She has to wake up, get out of the fog, or whatever by herself. Unfortunately I think this is going to be a bit of a tough week. Slow at work due to the holiday and then of course Wednesday off for the holiday. What do we do as a family? We usually go to a friends home and watch the fireworks from their backyard with a nice backyard bbq party. REALLY don't want to do that yet as I think that would be way too much pressure on all of us. But what do we do? Anything? I guess time will tell. I will ask the kids what they would like and W as well.
W slept ok, but she looked exhausted when she got up this morning. I am working on my own stuff. Looking, hoping, praying and having faith that somehow WE can work together to bring our MR back together and be better than ever. I know this is way too soon to think like this, but how do you keep yourself from these thoughts?
JS, every sitch is different. And there are various levels of pursuit and pressure. For instance, in sitches where spouses are separated there is a big difference in sending a text or calling, and actually showing up where they live! Texts and phone calls require them to ACCEPT the text or call, and choose to respond (text back or answer the call). Showing up forces them to respond, either negatively or positively.
Same thing for those of us that were still living together and sleeping in the same bed. While the W has made a decision to leave the MR, she hasn't taken a huge step (sleeping elsewhere, moving out, etc). And therefore I think there are opportunities for small pressure or pursuit.
That sounds like where you guys are t. I know my sitch was similar to yours. She never left the MH or MBR. However, right after BD she lost interest in doing anything together or as a family. She tolerated the holidays to keep up appearances, but she did bow out of a NYE get together with some friends, I found out later because she was wanting to sing on the online karaoke app she sings on.
Slowly she started to come back around to doing things as a family, and even together. I would offer things with no expectations, and then be perfectly fine if she turned it down. Pressure? Maybe a bit. Pursuit? A little. But that is what the sitch called for.
So yes your W taking your help into bed, and responding more fully to you is definitely a step in the right direction. I'd not change much you are doing. Just make sure that a) If you do small pursuits to have no expectations and then be upbeat regardless of response b) make sure that if she does respond positively to be careful not to go into a full court press. BABY STEPS.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
