Moving past the WAW to a stronger me Pt. 2

[Davide]

Hongaku,

Thank you for the kind words. I appreciate your support. It seems like we are not so far off from each other in terms of this process.

That said, what you say seems to go against the things I have been reading lately. I also thought that I was on the correct path - not there yet - but on the path which will eventually lead to detachment and happiness on my own. I thought that I was making progress and was confident in the direction that I was heading. It comforted me in my moments of doubt. I am traveling the country, visiting old friends, seeing amazing places and meeting new folks. However, my reading of Benito's words (whom I respect greatly) is that all of that, all of the GALing, the travel, the good times - is just a distraction. That I need to be thinking about my W, need to search out the pain and embrace it, that if I am not doing that I am in denial, that I am not dealing with my issue and that is why I cant let go completely. Honestly, now I feel like I have no faith in any path. If I am happy and living my life it is just denial. If I cant summon tears or emotions it is because I am just repressing my emotions.

I am certainly trying to drop the rope. Yesterday, for the first time, while talking with a close friends wife, I talked about the R as if it were over. In the past I always said that I thought there was an 80% chance that it was over, but this was the first time I didnt qualify it. It hurt a little, and made it a little more real in my head to vocalize it to someone else (it has been a constant refrain in my head recently "it is over, over.")