I'm honestly not sure what to say about your situation. It sounds like you're not planning to leave your husband any time soon but there's also not much chance that the marriage can be fixed as things currently stand. It seems the days are passing by and you're reflecting on my aspects of the marriage and of yourself. It sounds like you've accepted a lot of your husband's behaviors. I wish he could appreciate you and want to fix the marriage just as you do. The way he's chosen to live seems cruel and doesn't seem to offer either you nor he a high quality of life. I hope someday you can find a way to break this cycle. There are a lot of limitations to a forum like this one but if you could see a counselor in real life then perhaps you'd get more useful feedback. I really hope it won't be too long until there's a breakthrough for you. I lived like this in a dead marriage with my husband for a few years and every night I fell asleep filled with sorry. It's a type of silent suffering that few can understand.
