WAW - managing limbo period

[40free]

Hi Helena - thanks so much for commenting. It's a helpful suggestion, and I will have a think about it. Knowing my W though, I think she is so entrenched in this position that she'll just say no, whatever it is. And I'll be no further along, and she'll know where she can push in negotiation.

Out of interest, if the shoe was on the other foot, and I was the one who had had the affair, then made her stay living with me whilst I decided if I wanted to stay married to her, then decided I didn't, then made her stay living with me for 6-9 months during the D proceedings - do you think she'd find that reasonable? Do you think she'd push to kick me out the house after discovering the affair in the first place? Of course she would. So why it is when we're in my situation, I can do nothing? The law protects the mother always - ignores affairs, men's emotional distress. How can that be?

Are there any women on the forum who can put themselves in her shoes and still find her behaviour understandable/acceptable?

I'm genuinely interested to know, as I just can't get my head around how sh*t she is treating me. And then she's going to take everything she can from me financially, and expect me to then remain friends with her for the sake of the kids. I don't get it. She has no shame, no heart, no remorse, nothing. You wouldn't treat your dog like she's treating me. It makes me sick, and then I'm supposed to just suck it up and continue to not let her get to me in front of the kids, for their sake.

She is certainly starting to make the detaching easier for me, I'll give her that. I don't like to hate people - it's not in my make up really, but I have a very strong sense of injustice and right and wrong, and she is just so far off the scale that I can only feel disgust at the thought of her. I feel bad to say that about the mother of my kids, but what kind of a role model is she for them? I mean when they find out what she has done and how she has treated me, I wouldn't blame them for not wanting to speak to her again. And she'll just have to live with that.

I find it amazing that I have spent 21 years of my life with this woman, loved her unconditionally throughout, gave her everything, created a nice life for her, and it's just not enough. Now she gets to be unfaithful to me, let me divorce her, keep the life I have help create for her, the money, the kids and just boots me out of it. How is that fair? It's BS. The law is an ass.

Rant over. Sometimes it just helps to get it out. So thanks for reading. 6 days til will tell the kids. Not going to get any better...