One of the things I hear newcomers say is how difficult it is to see the drastic change in their wayward spouse. She may have been a very morally upright lady who would have never considered the actions she is displaying currently. I don't know if she'll ever return to the girl she was when you married her. She appears to be deep in rebellion. However, I do believe it is possible for a WW to find her way back again.
Upon hearing his W wants a divorce, or learning of an affair, the H will often panic and seek actions that will secure his M. His fear will lead him to act in ways that his W sees as weak attempts to control her. It actually causes her lack of respect to worsen, and she acts out more.....treating him badly, to show him there is no hope of reconciling the MR.
So, I have to say that I admire you for having her leave the marital bedroom. That is a big step in showing that you will not condone her inappropriate behavior and betrayal of the MR.
From the view of his WW, her H needs to be seen in a light of respect & strength in every interaction with her. Most H's want to prove to the WW how much he loves her and believes in their M. Believe it or not, that's actually the incorrect route to take, when you have a wayward W. Her heart is completely closed to her H. It's not only closed, it is cold and has become hardened. Therefore, the more he tries to show how much he loves her, and he tries to press her not to get a divorce......the faster she tries to get away from him.
Whenever a WW gives the bomb drop (tells H she wants a D), it is not her way of waking him up to get working on their MR. Please understand this point. The bomb drop does tend to wake up the H, alright.....but that is not the purpose she has in mind. She is done with it, and has no desire whatsoever to work on the MR. The more he presses her, the worse he is making the situation.
If there is ever a time that a man needs to know his own personal values, standards, principles, beliefs, etc......it is at this point in his life. These are the things you need to rely on....call on....and act on. Your emotions will battle to dictate your actions/decisions. However, emotions were not designed to make decisions, and if you have no basis other than feelings......you'll likely do the wrong thing. So, get in touch with your moral/spiritual values for your life, b/c you will need them as a guide throughout this ordeal. It's what tells you where to draw a line....and where to take a stand.
Hope you'll post often. The more background information you share, the more it helps us have a better view.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
