Is there hope? Part 2

[DnJ]

Scoobs, your W will try to push your buttons until she gets the reaction she wants. It is so very hard to not react until she will tire of it and stop button pushing. That is part of her reality / fantasy / justification, and she will spend considerable energies to keep it alive.

Do not worry about reacting and losing it. Get up, dust yourself off, and keep going. You are seeing her attempts for what they are and know to leave the bait alone. That is half the battle.

Next time, and there will be a next time, you recognize what she doing you can do something different - end the conversation, leave the room, go for a walk, steer it to a less contentious issue, or do not even start to discuss certain topics.

Please do not beat yourself up, we have all been there, and btw you are doing really good.

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...it makes me doubt its a MLC because she doesn't have the major drama that i see so many people having.

What you said, I know what you mean. Gerda above said it quite well - from the outside it sure looks like it. What you need to do is the same no matter what is wrong with her.

Scoobs, I want to ask you a question. Do you think my W is in MLC?

I suspect you would say yes. Please note I am not ignoring or belittling your answer and I welcome any response you would like to share.

My point is in the beginning of all this I did not know if it was MLC or not. I saw some signs, she acted confused, then was so extremely sure of her decisions, then more confusion, and of course there was a bit of drama. The big thing was I just could not believe what happened. I just did not believe this was possible.

I internalized this, felt betrayed, felt terrible, was a victim, and so on. It is near impossible to see the forest when in the thick of the trees.

I had to trust others judgements until mine could get back online. It took some time to figure stuff out. I believe she is in MLC, she is very mixed up.

So to your comment about not seeing drama. I see your sitch having plenty of drama. It is perception. Very hard to see it, when you are living it.

Scoobs, you have more than enough drama in your life. I am sorry about that.

Is your W in MLC. You will figure that out. However, she sure is mixed up.