One thing on this item. Don't be afraid that your W will go ballistic when she hears about this. Well, she probably will. You simply tell her "I had to budget in the childcare expenses and had to leave something out. I decided it would be the money I give you. Sorry, I am putting you in that position." That's it. No accusations that she left you, that she abandoned her family etc. Just be calm, say what you have and cut off the conversation (it is easier over email as she suggested ).
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