So up front..WOW! When I started Pt5 of my sitch I said I hoped I could make that part last a bit longer than the ones previous...LOL guess not!
Let me say that I appreciate the comments of all and the passion with which they were said. We are ALL here for the same reason, I don't have any "hijack" feelings :-) . If anything discussed in my thread helps others in their's so much the better.
As for my sitch...nothing new. I do not know if there's an OM/EA/PA. Period. The last time I asked her to work with me on the MR was back in late Apr. For the past few weeks I've had my ring back on and honestly just living my life as if she was dead. I go out, have fun and try to keep moving on. We do not see each other now as we exchange our D via the day care center. Perhaps once a week or so I'll receive from her a text on this or that topic regarding divorce and I'll reply in time and be purely business. This weekend I'll have our D and I'm looking forward to that.
She left saying she was unhappy/no feelings. Only once do I think I've received from her an "inner thought" sentence regarding the MR when she said "I'm very sad that we just couldn't make it work". I have received some anger texts the last few weeks but those seem to be subsiding. The best I know now is that she is full on with divorce planning and that "we both know Ballast has moved on" Zero idea on what she's thinking/feeling. As best I can tell she speaks to basically no one about our MR.
So I continue to focus on me moving forward and pretend as if she is dead to me. Where I am right now in my sitch makes me feel like I'm in a car driving out west...miles and miles of straight road, day after day passing along until she can file OR something happens before that. I keep hopes and prayers for us. I have moments of high pain when I think of things I could have done better/ways I could have been a better husband. I never did not love her nor lose feelings or anything like that. She and my D were/are the center of my world. I can't explain/rationalize to myself why I did not maintain the honeymoon period for her that she so rightly deserves and I'm paralyzed with sadness at times when I feel like all that I could/have improved on, I'll never have the chance to give to her. I feel like all folks, men and women deserve at least that ONE chance. I hope someday I get at least that...but it is completely and entirely in her hands as to whether or not I do.
