I can't afford to pay for 2 homes (it would be 3 for a short time with the lease termination).
You pay for yours. How she pays for hers is her business. That's how S and D works. She doesn't get to have it both ways (live apart without the responsibilities of paying bills).
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She doesn't have a job so she would have to live with me.
Not true. If you separate then where she lives and how she pays for it is not your concern. You've got to quit thinking in those terms and start thinking about what is best for YOU and leave her ALONE to figure out her stuff.
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BUT, why would I pay to have us all move to a new city, pay for her to live with me and the kids (again no job, income and I can't pay for everything)? Wouldn't this be totally enabling her to cake eat all along the way, bide her time and bail when she wants?
Again, you are misunderstanding. I said present to her the possibility of her moving to the new town as well (but not with you), I DID NOT say anything about funding her move, paying for her new place, etc. She told you she was going to get a loan from daddy so she can move out, well what does it matter if she moves to a place in that town or the new one? Same difference financially. Maybe if she moves she can find a new job just like you are doing.
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My thoughts are that she would have to move at least towards the possibility of working on our MR because the last thing you need during a move (and they are so expensive anyways) is to have bad emotions and fighting involved. If we are all on the same page, moving forward, fresh start, etc. That would be totally different.
I think you are trying to use this as an excuse to force her to work on the M. That will not work.
