Help...Confused Newbie Pt5

[Nutcrac]

Dude - after reading how you just showed up at your W's doors and how you interacted with her and what she said to you, that is illuminating enough to show me that you do not understand the finer points of not pursuing, showing space/time, NC/Dark, and think you should something radical rather than calibrate your approach.

I am not being judgmental, just making sure that a newbie who comes here doesn't get the wrong idea. What you advocated is completely against what DBing is about, and there is no way you can tweak your approach until you try it.

I am not about textbook application, but you can only break the rules after you follow them and understand and learn from them. You're not getting the nuances about the approaches.

You want to go and make grand gestures, you go ahead and do it. But, don't advocate that unless you've done and she's come around. Your W is nowhere near turning around and so you have no idea if your approach of showing up and being 'confident' is working.

Also, you fundamentally misunderstand the nature of anger and resentment from the WW/WAW. There is absolute nothing you can do that will help and change that. And none of your approaches will work as long as she is angry and resentful - she is not open to you. So try as much as you want and it will only fuel the anger and disrespect.

You want to go on your path and completely deviate from what everyone is telling you, you have that choice. But don't tell newbies your path until you've proven it works. Prove it to me when recon happens. I can easily prove how the path I am advocating has led to recon and better outcomes.

Let me tell you this. I showed up at my wife's door step because i had to discuss the divorce issues in Person. An in person representation is better to discuss these matters than a text / phone call which i used to do most of the times. Oh and btw, You are as much selfish as any other LBH in the forum can be. Admit it. In a way, We all want our wives back and we are doing everything in our hand to make them realize that coming back is the best thing to do. So don't go bonkers on me on that.
In fact i very well knew before meeting my wife that it was not the best approach. I was under the impression that my wife could even call the cops or shut the door on me or the worst case scenario. At this point of time I really do not care. As i am ready either ways. I also know my wife is nowhere near the turnaround phase. She may never be. Its just a leap of faith. If you think you should do it, do it with courage and confidence. Not with timid and nervous approach. And again this is a WAW i am dealing with . Not a WW. Same advice given to steve85. Read Sandi2's post in my forum.